but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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