I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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