KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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