My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
