you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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