Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
