Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
