YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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