Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
