did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
