Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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