i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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