Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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