He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize