Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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