Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
