I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
