i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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