Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
