Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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