one two three fourrrrnication!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
