he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
