Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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