I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
