my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
be right there i have to get my cape
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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