My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
