my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
