why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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