people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
