i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
