i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
