You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
