I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
