I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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