I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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