So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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