now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
