she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
