Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
