i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's shark week go big or go home
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize