why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Randomize
