It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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