i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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