just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
