I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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