turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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