Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
