So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
