Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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