My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
