I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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