Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
