I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think my moral compass just broke
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
