I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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