I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
