He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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