Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize