Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
