He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
