im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
