john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
is it fun? or sober?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize