Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
