I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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