Four minutes until I can fart!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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