Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
