I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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