Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
